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I've written nothing here for a while, but I've omitted little. Tonight should be more eventful.
posted on Wednesday, December 31, 2003
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Useless to attempt writing. Today was... thirty seconds later and I still haven't found the word. Let's just call it "happy" and leave it.
Another evening of being terribly, wonderfully distracted. Did I mention I'm happy?
posted on Friday, December 26, 2003
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Merry Christmas to everyone.
I've definitely never been this tired on Christmas. My fault, but it's as good a day as any to be sleepy.
I'm going back through all my music, organizing it and listening to it too... lots of memories there. Like hearing Relient K for the first time at Michael's (on Josh's CD, of course). Falling in love with Shogo and Five Iron Frenzy at the same time. Learning to like New Found Glory and Good Charlotte as Grace Christian's eighth grade headed for DC in vans. Falling asleep to Jimmy Eat World after I confessed my doubt. Slouching around and listening to Something Corporate before venturing out to discover dead refrigerators and miniature skeletons.
So much I've left behind, so many good times and good people, but my heart's in the present.
posted on Thursday, December 25, 2003
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On one hand, I feel compelled to recount these things - why list trivia, and not the grander events? On the other hand, it seems needlessly redundant, for these aren't things I'll ever forget. And on a third hand, this is a blog, not a private journal, and I'm not at all willing to publicly disclose the glorious details that are so fresh in my mind.
On to safer topics. Diana's rather belated party was last night, and that was, of course, a good time. I met her house and we watched one of those oft-mentioned home videos of hers, as well as Daredevil, which struck me as a lousy movie. Not that I have the most complete impression of it, mind you, for... I find myself wandering out of safe territory.
Um... I liked the ice cream cake very much, and Diana has some frightful posters, which wasn't all that surprising.
I guess I should maybe brush my teeth now. Echoes of treat this carefully, for it is no longer wholly your own, and my legs still are not steady beneath me.
posted on Monday, December 22, 2003
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Exams are past, and we saw The Return of the King today, which was incredible and a great way to bid the horrid midterms farewell.
And between being exhausted and hopelessly sappy and just a little stressed, I haven't had will nor content for this blog.
posted on Saturday, December 20, 2003
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History exam is done with. I'm guessing I got a C. But I'm done, and my mind is free.
The sky's changed a little, but it still has vestiges of unreality.
It seems so long since I was at peace. Only a day? I guess so, but there's always something, headlights or a faint buzzing from elsewhere or exams or something, that keeps perfection temporary. Perhaps this is as it should be and always must be, and perhaps I'm also right to resent the inevitable. How can I know?
Regardless, life continues and is beautiful.
posted on Thursday, December 18, 2003
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I've seen this sky before; it's a sky of departure. Haze yonder, thin puffy clouds above, and the sun smoldering vaguely through, as if it had expected a day off. And for some reason, I feel as though I should be boarding a plane, and my body knows it too, with this shivering exhileration.
posted on Thursday, December 18, 2003
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Hah, they got Saddam! Says kombucha of the EvilAvatar forums: "It's lucky they got him on the one weekend when his massive mechanical death suit was in for whirling blade upgrades."
posted on Sunday, December 14, 2003
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Today was Angela Stapleton's funeral. I don't really know what to say about that, except that Mr. Stapleton's faith is astounding.
Right now, things are beyond surreal. Exams seem like a lame inside joke that I want no part of.
posted on Saturday, December 13, 2003
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I feel like laughing and crying and shouting all at once whenever I think of it.
Everything I hoped for, along with that which I didn't dare hope for, and none of what I feared. This feels like a dream all over again, and I don't know what I could do if I woke from it.
I'd still feel presumptious claiming "love," never mind the spelling, but I do at least have a much improved understanding of having "wandered in a blissed-out haze," as did Arthur.
I keep catching myself staring into the distance, no doubt with my eyes glazed over and a laughable expression on my face. But it doesn't bother me much - then again, nothing is really bothering me much right now. I don't think I've ever been so ridiculously happy.
posted on Friday, December 12, 2003
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I must be more tired than I feel, because I went from okay to emotionally unstable in less than an hour. I don't really know why.
School's worthless right now. Usually, I can imagine that all those carefully conveyed details have some bearing on anything at all, but at the moment we're not even learning useless things.
Maybe that's for the best, because my motivation towards all things educational isn't at a high point, either.
Once again, I can't shake visions of places I'd rather be. Timeless places where all these elaborately crafted nuances of life and society are not only irrelevant, but unheard of.
posted on Wednesday, December 10, 2003
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Incredibly, the only gripe I can conceive of having with life at the moment is that I'm finding it impossible to focus on anything - even fairly interesting things - for more than a few minutes. Of course, there's one very notable exception...
... And thus ends my effort to focus on this entry. You see how it is.
posted on Saturday, December 06, 2003
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As it happens, I'm euphoric to the extent that every muscle in my body is twitching incessantly in absurd little spasms.
How is it that, no matter how many times I've imagined what I'd do and how things might go, I never imagined it happening this way, with a grace completely unfamiliar to me.
I don't have any idea where it goes from here; neither do I feel any need to change course. Always before I've felt compelled to impose purpose and destination. None of that now, and it feels so right, and so much better.
Enough written now. My emotions are working too far overtime for me to write anything sensible, much less anything appropriate for the context of my dear neglected blog.
posted on Thursday, December 04, 2003
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It's December and gulping the air tasted like eating snow.
posted on Tuesday, December 02, 2003
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