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Bedroom window open, I am listening to rain and Vergil (zeugmalicious!) while pleasantly imbriferous odors drift in. Falling thick as it is, the rain resembles a glassily condensed mist, descending at no usual speed.
Having returned, after a long departure of taste, to chocolate ice cream, I cannot declare but that among humanity's inventions, the substance ranks with fire in importance and above chocolate itself for sheer sensuality.
The power seems to have just now departed the neighborhood. I'd love to say that I'm writing by candlelight, but in fact the source is battery-powered. Now for a walk in this locally rare grade of darkness.
posted on Monday, September 27, 2004
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Despite being the major defining element of my life, school seems not to matter much this year (except Latin, of course). I'm not keeping up with friends like I ought, either. Maybe this idea is establishing a foothold, that I'll be saying a lot of goodbyes shortly.
posted on Wednesday, September 22, 2004
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Walking tonight on the golf course behind Nana's house, I looked up and saw a break in the sheet of fast-moving clouds, and, despite all Wilmington's streetlamps, more stars within than I can see from Apex on a clear night. I stared for a while, sitting on that downy golf-course grass, and then came the payoff -- a meteor that sliced a long white furrow overhead, momentarily the brightest object in sight.
As the stars regained their prominence, I wondered what I might say at this moment, were I not alone. I knew I was gambling all along; and I told myself it wasn't about the ending. And I'm past that now. But I still dread that, next time around, when stone burns an arc above and I murmur into an ear, I'll remember those words from before.
Which brings me to question why I place such value on love. Certainly it's a pleasant neurochemical cocktail, perhaps even worth living for -- if it could be relied upon. It can't, but neither can entertainment, thrills, careers, or causes. Religion will supply a most satisfying sense of purpose, if you're easily convinced that reality will contort itself to fit your faith.
As if reading the encyclopedia for hours at a time wasn't evidence enough of my wits' descent...
posted on Sunday, September 19, 2004
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Being able to talk to Stephanie about Latin is cool. It's one of the very few things I have in common with my little sister. If she sticks with it, she'll have quite a head start when she gets to high school. I can't imagine taking Latin at her age -- I didn't begin to truly enjoy the language until we got to translating actual works, and she has an attention span three years younger than my own was when I started.
posted on Tuesday, September 14, 2004
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Thursday brought the promised steak dinner with Stapleton, Meredith, Reece, Phil and Amy. Stapleton is entirely different outside the classroom, much more readily conversed with. Amy gave me a ride home, then decided she wanted to hang around for a while. A while, in this case, was about three hours of talking, strolling and piggybacking over puddles.
Friday was Flex Day, full of book-stacks, photocopiers and vanishing points, and dull except for my brief attempt at pixel art. I napped for two hours after school, watching short clips of sunset between dozes. Matters livened briefly in late evening when I went to Erica's, at which domicile Elena was also, and had cookies and milk while watching part of some movie with singing nuns.
Saturday saw wrath fit to fuse boulders as I lost over three hours' worth of progress on and around the PRCS Wall Cloud due to a corrupted quicksave.
And today, Elena, Hannah, Erica and myself rented a paddleboat on Lake Johnson, frolicked briefly in the water (except for one) and had our good times (I did, at least). On the way home a large cloud eclipsed the sun, but left the sky bright. Clarity without glare -- I think the sky should henceforth default to such.
posted on Sunday, September 12, 2004
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Clouds dimmed like cooling magma, earlier. The long weekend ahead means I may actually write Quiz Bowl questions; I'm running out of mental corners into which to shove my guilt.
posted on Saturday, September 04, 2004
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My consciousness wanders from one mindset to another, but never expands throughout them all. Each shift brings a new hindsight to bear on the previous day, and a new brand of mistake to make. Tonight I ask why I cannot wrench away the sentiments for which I searched, finding nothing, only days ago. It was wonderful to wake and feel that void -- I suppose it may amuse that I should be as glad to lose this as I was to gain it, that opposites are seperated by so thin a line.
If I could think all my thoughts at once, everything would harmonize.
posted on Friday, September 03, 2004
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